Separation Checklist for Men — The First 90 Days (Australia)

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This is general information, not legal or financial advice. We're not lawyers. It's a plain-English map of how things work in Australia, so you know what to ask. For your situation, talk to a family lawyer, Legal Aid in your state, or the Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321. If you or your children are unsafe, call 000.

When you separate, your head is full and a hundred things feel urgent. Most of them aren't. This is the short list of what actually matters, in the order it matters. Tick things off as you go. It saves on this device only; nobody else can see it.

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This week

Just the things that can't wait. Nothing here needs a lawyer.

Make sure everyone is safe.If anyone is in danger, call 000. If you're not coping, call MensLine on 1300 78 99 78 tonight. It's free and 24/7.Tell one person the whole truth.A brother, a mate, your GP. Not the whole footy team. One person who knows what's really going on and will check on you.See your GP.Sleep, mood, drinking, appetite. Ask about a Mental Health Treatment Plan, which gets you Medicare-subsidised sessions with a psychologist.Agree on what the kids will be told.Together if you possibly can. Short, true, no blame: "Mum and I won't be living together. It's not your fault. We both love you and that doesn't change."Keep seeing your kids from the start.Don't let weeks go by while "things settle". What happens in the first months tends to become the pattern.Write down your separation date.And what changed that day. You'll need it for divorce (12 months later), for Centrelink and for property.Change your passwords.Email, banking, phone, cloud photos. Set up a new email if your partner has access to the old one.Don't sign anything yet.No agreements about the house, money or the kids in the first weeks, however reasonable they sound at 11pm. Get free legal information first.

The first month

Build the scaffolding. Slowly, one thing a day.

List everything you both own and owe.House, cars, accounts, shares, super (both of you), loans, credit cards, HECS. Grab recent statements now while you can. You'll both have to disclose it all anyway.Sort out joint accounts, calmly.Talk to the bank about needing both signatures for withdrawals. Don't drain accounts: the court can take "wastage" into account later, and it looks terrible.Tell Centrelink, if you get any payment.Services Australia needs to know within 14 days that your relationship status has changed.Run the child support estimate.Ten minutes on the Services Australia estimator gives you a realistic number before anyone argues about one.Set up how you'll talk to your ex.In writing, short, polite, about the kids only. A co-parenting app or one email thread. Assume a judge might read it one day.Keep a simple diary.Which nights the kids were with you, handovers, anything cancelled. Facts, not feelings. It takes two minutes a day.Make your place ready for the kids.A bed each, even a cheap one. Toothbrushes, clothes, their photos on the fridge. It matters to them, and to overnight care.Call the Family Relationship Advice Line.1800 050 321. Free. They'll explain mediation and point you to services near you.

The first 90 days

Getting to an arrangement that lasts, without going to war.

Get free legal information before paying anyone.Legal Aid in your state gives free information and referrals. Know the basics before your first paid appointment, so it costs less.Work out what you're actually asking for.A realistic week-by-week schedule built around the kids' school and ages, not around winning. Use the parenting plan builder to draft it.Try mediation before court.For parenting disputes you usually need a Family Dispute Resolution (section 60I) certificate before you can apply to court. Family Relationship Centres start free.Put the agreement in writing.A parenting plan (signed and dated by both of you), or consent orders if you need it to be legally binding.Update your will and super nomination.Separation doesn't cancel your will, and your super nomination doesn't update itself. Your ex could still inherit or be your executor.Build a two-household budget.Rent, child support or payments, the kids' costs at your place. Know your real number before you agree to anything about property.Note the property time limit.Property orders should be sought within 12 months of a divorce becoming final, or 2 years after a de facto relationship ends. After that you need the court's permission.Do one thing that's just for you, every week.Training, a walk with a mate, the shed. Men who go under during separation usually stopped doing everything except worrying.

If you only do three things

1. Keep seeing your kids, from week one. 2. Don't sign anything until you've had free legal information. 3. Tell one person the truth about how you're going.

Next: draft a parenting plan, get your head around money and child support, or find who to call.

The Separation Series

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Questions men ask.

What should a man do first when separating in Australia?

Make sure everyone is safe, keep seeing your kids from the start, write down your separation date, and don't sign anything until you've had free legal information (Legal Aid or the Family Relationship Advice Line, 1800 050 321).

Do I have to tell Centrelink I've separated?

If you get any Centrelink payment, yes. Services Australia says to tell them within 14 days of your relationship status changing.

Does separation cancel my will?

No. Separation doesn't revoke a will, so your ex could still inherit or act as your executor. Update your will and check your super beneficiary nomination.

Is there a time limit on property settlement?

Yes. Property orders should be sought within 12 months after a divorce becomes final, or within 2 years after a de facto relationship ends. After that you need the court's permission.

Reminder: This page is general information about separation in Australia, checked against official sources in September 2026. Laws, fees and payment rates change. It is not legal, financial or tax advice and doesn't create a client relationship. For advice on your situation, see a family lawyer, Legal Aid, or a financial adviser.