Family Mediation (FDR) — How Men Can Prepare — Australia

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This is general information, not legal or financial advice. We're not lawyers. It's a plain-English map of how things work in Australia, so you know what to ask. For your situation, talk to a family lawyer, Legal Aid in your state, or the Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321. If you or your children are unsafe, call 000.

If you and your ex can't agree about the kids, you'll almost certainly end up in Family Dispute Resolution (FDR), a form of mediation. For parenting matters it's usually required before either of you can go to court. Most men walk in unprepared, angry, or trying to win. The ones who do well walk in with a plan built around their kids.

On this page

What FDR actually is
The section 60I certificate
Where to go, and what it costs
How to prepare
In the room
When you reach agreement

What FDR actually is.

An accredited, independent practitioner helps you and your ex work out arrangements for the kids (and sometimes property). They don't take sides and don't decide anything. It's usually a pre-session with each of you alone, then one or more joint sessions, which can be in person, by phone or by video, and sometimes in separate rooms ("shuttle" mediation) if being in the same room isn't workable.

What's said in FDR is generally confidential and can't be used in court, which is exactly why you can be honest there.

The section 60I certificate.

Before applying to court for parenting orders, you generally need a certificate from an FDR practitioner under section 60I of the Family Law Act. It records whether you both attended and made a genuine effort, or whether one person didn't show, or whether FDR wasn't appropriate. It's valid for 12 months.

There are exceptions, including family violence or child abuse (or the risk of it), genuine urgency, someone being unable to participate effectively, and serious breaches of orders made in the last 12 months. You don't need one to file consent orders when you've already agreed.

Source: FCFCOA: Compulsory family dispute resolution.

Where to go, and what it costs.

Option	Cost	Good for
Family Relationship Centres	Info, individual sessions and up to the first hour of joint FDR are free. $30/hr for hours 2–3 if you earn $50k+.	Most people. Start here.
Legal Aid FDR	Free or low cost if eligible	Where lawyers can attend and help you both
Relationships Australia & community services	Often income-based	Flexible times, other programs alongside
Private FDR practitioners	Commercial rates	Speed, property and parenting together

The Family Relationship Advice Line (1800 050 321) will point you to the nearest one and can arrange phone FDR. Only use an accredited practitioner: the certificate has to come from one.

Sources: Family Relationships Online.

How to prepare.

Go in with a written proposal. Men who arrive with "I want 50/50" and nothing else get nowhere. Men who arrive with a realistic, detailed schedule that fits the kids' lives tend to shape the outcome.

Know what the law now focuses on.

Since May 2024 there's no presumption of equal shared parental responsibility. Everything turns on the child's best interests: safety, the child's views, their developmental and emotional needs, each parent's capacity to meet those needs, and the benefit of a relationship with both parents where it's safe.

Draft a full schedule.

School weeks, weekends, handovers, school holidays, Christmas, birthdays, Father's Day and Mother's Day. Use the parenting plan builder and print it.

Build it around them, not you.

Their ages, school, sport, friends and travel time. If your proposal needs a 6-year-old in the car for an hour each way twice a week, fix that before someone else points it out.

Know your bottom line, and your trades.

What really matters most, what you'd happily give, and what you can't accept. Write it down privately.

Get free legal information first.

An hour with Legal Aid helps you know what's realistic. Numbers by state →

Look after yourself the night before.

Sleep, no drinking, eat something. You'll need a clear head for three hours.

In the room.

You will get provoked. It's a hard morning for both of you. What you do with that is the whole game.

Instead of…	Try…
"I want 50/50."	"I'd like the kids with me Wednesday overnight and alternate weekends to start, building to week-about once the little one's at school."
"She's turned them against me."	"I want the kids to have a solid relationship with both of us. Here's what would help that."
"That's ridiculous."	"Can you help me understand what's worrying you about that?"
Arguing about the past	"I can't change the last year. I'd like to agree on the next one."
Agreeing to anything to make it stop	"I'd like to take that away and think about it overnight."

The one rule

Every sentence should pass this test: would I be comfortable with my kids hearing me say this in ten years?

When you reach agreement.

Put it in writing. A parenting plan (written, signed and dated by both of you) is flexible but not legally enforceable. Consent orders are legally binding: you file the agreed orders with the court for $215 and a Registrar approves them, usually without either of you attending. Parenting plans vs consent orders →

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Questions men ask.

Is mediation compulsory in Australia for parenting disputes?

Generally, yes. Before applying to court for parenting orders you usually need a section 60I certificate from an accredited Family Dispute Resolution practitioner. Exceptions include family violence, child abuse, urgency, and consent orders.

How much does family mediation cost?

At Family Relationship Centres, information, individual sessions and up to the first hour of joint mediation are free. If your income is $50,000 or more, hours two and three are $30 an hour. Private mediators charge commercial rates.

What should I bring to family mediation?

A written, detailed proposal for the kids' schedule (school weeks, holidays, special days, handovers), your calendar, the kids' school and activity times, and a private note of your priorities and bottom line.

Is what I say in mediation used in court?

Generally, what's said in Family Dispute Resolution is confidential and can't be used as evidence in court, with limited exceptions such as disclosures about child abuse.

Reminder: This page is general information about separation in Australia, checked against official sources in September 2026. Laws, fees and payment rates change. It is not legal, financial or tax advice and doesn't create a client relationship. For advice on your situation, see a family lawyer, Legal Aid, or a financial adviser.